Running

I have always had a love/hate relationship with running.

My hatred for it probably stemmed from P.E. in elementary school. My elementary school had an awesome P.E. program – honestly, some of the only things I remember from K-5th grade are from lunch (ha!) or P.E. But, whenever the presidential fitness test rolled around, (the one where you run from one end of the gym to the other before a giant ‘beep’ sounds off,) I felt like a blob.

Once I hit the 4th grade, my parents urged me to try cross-country. I figured I’d give it a try. I had to stay after school regardless, and it would be better to practice something than just sit in after-school care. I did not like practice, because all we did was run (go figure,) and I was pretty slow.

I remember showing up to the first of our four meets for cross country and finishing pretty far towards the back of the pack – somewhere around 120. By the last race, I was somewhere around 60. I didn’t really get that much faster, its just a lot of people had quit by that point in the season. I was proud that I lasted the season without quitting, but I stopped running for a long time after that.

Fast forward to high school. My Health and Fitness teacher told my class we would be running a timed mile. I was nervous as heck, and decided to run a mile that night in my neighborhood and see how long it would take me. Obviously, being a novice runner, I did not realize how sore I would be the next day. (But thankfully it rained, so we didn’t have to do the timed mile anyways – just in case you were wondering how that turned out.)

I would periodically go through phases where I would ‘start running’ for, maybe, three days. I always thought I could magically be healthy overnight if I went on a run. Well, that never stuck – until I decided to start running for a completely different reason.

After a particularly long and frustrating day this past summer, I felt like I needed to run away. So, I laced up some tennis shoes, grabbed my headphones, and ran through my neighborhood.

When I got back from a very short run, I felt a lot better. My mind was clear, my muscles were throbbing, and I was tired! If you know me, you probably know that I’m restless – I am usually wired and constantly jumping from one thing to the next. Well, after cleaning up and settling down, I was calm and having a hard time keeping my eyes open. This was a nice surprise. But I think the most surprising thing is that I felt GOOD.

Physically, mentally – I just felt strong.

I liked that feeling. Its something that I have a hard time finding – something good for me that makes me feel strong and proud of my body. I liked that feeling so much that I packed my tennis shoes and headphones to run again the next day.

This decision changed my summer. Well, my whole year, actually.

For the next week, I ran 6 out of 7 days. (None of my previous running stints ever lasted that long.) And, funny enough, by the end of that week, I had my dad running with me too.

I started off running a little over a mile. Slowly, I decided to push myself and go a little farther and a little farther, and now two to three miles is my normal base for an average run.

Now don’t get me wrong: I’m still slower than dirt. I have to take walking breaks. Half the time I hate the running portion of the run. But the strength it brings to me most days is what makes it something I keep coming back to. After I run, I feel calmer. I’m tired. I enjoy sitting and resting with friends and family. I sleep better at night and drink more water. It’s like this building block for choices that fuel good things in my day.

Since I decided to run last May, I realized that I’ve always come back to running. I would try to do it randomly throughout the years – but I could never get it to become a lifestyle because I wanted it to be a temporary process to help me lose weight.

Now, I realize that this is a process that it teaching me to develop strength and patience: two things I need a lot of help channeling in other areas of my life.

If you just read that and rolled your eyes – trust me, I get it. I used to laugh at people who had those ‘13.1’ or ‘26.2’ stickers on their cars. I always wondered ‘why would you torture yourself like that?’ But the thing is, I now see those numbers as a sign of strength and determination – sticking to the process of putting one step in front of the other, even when sometimes all you want to do is sit on the couch and avoid the hard stuff. I see it as a healthy stress-reliever that allows me to run through my frustrations rather than away from them. But most importantly, I see it as a way to measure my true strength.

So I guess the point of all this is to say that I have now come to love the running life. I still have trouble making myself go out and run. Sometimes I spend the whole time convincing myself not to stop halfway through it. It’s just that I now understand why this is considered so addictive. I might even be considering running a half-marathon in the near future. (Well, I started training for one this summer, but I had an 8 mile run at the beginning of August and I’m still recovering a month and a half later!)

It’s been 16 months since I decided to just go run. About this time last year I was struggling to run over a mile without stopping. Now, I can push out about 3 without a doubt on most days.

I always saw myself as the girl who wanted to do these miraculous, physical feats – but I never thought I actually could get there. It’s taking some time, but I’m on my way to proving to that sophomore in high school that she can do way more than that mile she thought sounded so impossible.

Me post-run!

I guess the beauty that I’ve found in running is that it’s about the journey more than the goal. Yeah, I want to say I’ve run 3 miles, but I actually have to fuel my body, go outside, and run those miles. The journey and the lead up to reaching the goal are just as important as getting where you want to go.

That’s something that I need to remember in life. There are a lot of places I want to be right now – faithful, confident, strong – but I can’t be these things if I don’t go out and boldly trust that God has prepared me for the path I’m on. When I get anxious, or scared, or I can’t go to sleep because my mind is spinning, those are the ‘runs’ that are allowing me to put my trust in Him, believe in myself, and surrender my cares so that I can faithfully move ahead into all that God has for me.

It’s funny, because there are quite a few passages from the Bible that talk about running. One that is often cited is Hebrews 12:1, and honestly, I didn’t find the spiritual impact in this verse until running became a part of my life.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great clout of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” -Hebrews 12:1

This must be why running has become such a force for change for me. It is a physical example of throwing off the things that hinder me. It clears my mind and freshens my perspective. It has also taught me that perseverance doesn’t necessarily mean things always get easier, but it means continuing on when things are uncomfortable or difficult. Some days, the race is a trudge, other days it is a thing of praise. Either way, the race is making me stronger, and thank God for my legs that continue to carry me forward, reminding me that the journey is necessary to reach my destination, even if at times it isn’t a smooth path.

Here’s to running, newfound strength, and putting one foot in front of the other.

(PS – If you’re curious about the cover photo, it is one of my favorite running paths at school!)